Wednesday

The Bollywood Complex

When I first joined the gym I thought it was a decision like any other. I felt I needed to be in shape, and therefore I signed up. It was an easy and lighthearted decision that required little if any thought. As I approached my gym on a cool fall evening eager to take part in the novelty, I noticed the air was quiet, the trees were still, and it seemed tranquil. Little did I know what to expect when I entered “any town gym”.

Contrasting to the serenity outside is the hyper beat of Punjabi MC and Jay Z amongst the constant clang and clammer of weight machines, footsteps on treadmills, whooshing of track pants, and sounds of the gym goers breathing heavy. At the front is a blond bombshell making protein shakes, and explaining the benefits of gym members to young teenagers in awe of her sculpted physique, paying little if any attention to her words, and more to her curves or lack thereof. At the door is the constant turn around of men coming from work, and those going home. As one looks around he would notice that this gym is inhabited by not just American men and women. But moreover the backgrounds of a lot of these gym goers are South Asian. One may argue this, but the SASA t-shirts, turbans, and all around sounds of Hindi numbers spoken to each rep offers a sense of assurance on this matter. Hundreds of students attend this gym because of its close proximity to a medical school attended statistically by 95% South Asians. The gym has over 500 members but nearly half of the men that attend this gym are south Asian students, who on a daily basis use the treadmills, ask for advice from the trainers, and pump kilos of iron back and forth in efforts to get in shape.

On any particular night more than 2/3 of the gym is full and the majority is Desi men. Some of them wear t shirts, fraternity letters, brand name work out gear, hospital scrubs, or for the daring- spandex. But all of these men are ordinary looking guys, none of them in an effort to become the next Mr. Universe, probably just there to get in shape. You would imagine that they would be happy with their bodies. After all they are not living a sedentary lifestyle, they are in a gym, working out, releasing stress. But in fact, many of them conceal deep routed anxieties of how they look- they have extremely low self esteems, suffer from chronic shame, and many are obsessed with looking in the mirror and trying to change their look to match those they emulate in movies. Beneath the benign surface a very serious crisis is brewing among South Asian men. A crisis filled with self loathing, excessive exercise and disordered eating.

I stumbled upon this realization after speaking with a few of the gym goers. They mentioned to me over some months of lifting together their quirks and idiosyncrasies. . Over time I put these personality traits together and noticed a pattern of behavior that indicated some startling implications. To further delve into this topic I decided to survey the South Asian populace of the gym to gauge their feelings, and see where this hunch would lead me. It is no wonder these men had issues with how they look when they are surrounded by Hritik Roshan like physiques. Western marketing of protein shakes, creatine and “hard bods” have bolstered their needs for core 6 packs, but simultaneously chipped away at their core confidence. Furthermore because of the overly machismo western culture these men carry this pain and are uncomfortable talking about it even with their closest friends. Their own self-doubts can become a plague, parasitically eating away at their own images and cause body dysmorphia which later can lead to eating disorders, depression, and obsessive exercise regimes. In fact, many have referred to muscle dysmorphia as “big-orexia nervosa” or “giganterism.” People with anorexia nervosa see themselves as fat when they’re actually too thin; people with muscle dysmorphia feel ashamed of looking too small when they’re actually big.

The surveys I handed out truly spoke volumes and were answered quite candidly. One general conclusion was that men are under the same aesthetic pressures as women. Only women tend to be more open and discuss it as a means to clear the pressure from their shoulders. The stories these men revealed are truly eye-opening. One can only imagine what lies beneath the surface for many other South Asian Men.

Raj, a third year medical student states “He wears 3 layers of clothing to gym” – a sleeveless t, a sweatshirt, and another t shirt on top. This is to ensure his self proclaimed “empty chest” seems bolder. Furthermore he attributes his lack of size and mass to being a vegetarian, and secretly eats meat to gain size. “The guilt from what my parents would think is too much, so I just eat meat when I go out”. But Raj looks like any normal guy- he’s 6’2 175 lbs, and is successful in school. Yet within his own psyche he battles daily with his mirror and drastically diminishing self image. Raj was not alone. In fact, 47% of those surveyed stated they didn’t like changing in the locker room because they hadn’t attained their “goal” yet and 9 out of 10 surveys stated they were unhappy with how they looked, and 50% stated they would opt for plastic surgery instead of using the gym, yet it was too expensive. With regards to eating disorders, 90 percent of the respondents admitted to using some type of diet fad, whether it is Atkins, or the south beach diet. None admitted to purging or not eating at all, but perhaps this was too much revelation for a friendly survey.

Navdeep, a 2^nd year resident, 29 years old and married also says he’s frustrated with his inability to gain mass and lose weight. After his wife oodled at the silver screen to the rippling pecks of Salman Khan, he decided to join a gym. However, as a medical student he has very little time for nutrition and admits to passing out during workouts due to dehydration. Unlike Raj, Navdeep wishes to lose weight, and goes for long walks or runs on the treadmills. He is 35 lbs from his “ideal weight” and will continue until he is happy and doesn’t feel ashamed to leave the lights on with his wife.

Rakesh, a first year medical student, who is obsessed with his receding hair line, hopes to gain mass and size in attempts to defray those staring at his hair. Furthermore, Rakesh only works his arms, as that’s “what women want these days”. Like Rakesh nearly 95% percent of respondents stated appearing attractive was their top reasons for working out in a gym. Additionally those who put this as their reason showed 10 more hours on average at the gym than those who did not. Proving their own self images is aimed at empty gain, and not at self fulfillment.

This void within is driving Desi men to overwork their bodies in an unhealthy manner and is causing more damage than good.In essence such stories are simply scratching the surface of the many problems faced by South Asian Men and body dysmorphia. A need for education is necessary that is aimed at men and their self images. This type of self loathing must be deep routed and starts early. Thus the efforts at controlling it and maintaining a healthy self image must also be started early in adolescence. Apparently there’s more to getting a gym membership than I thought.